Yeah, I’ve been here for a month now so where are all the posts at?!

I’d like to say I’ve been busy. Busy getting used to the city, to classes, to societies, to people, to everything. It’s hard to actually make some time to sit down and plan to write for a while. Since I’m one month in, what should I start talking about? Well, whatever, right? I should make this a fun blog for myself as well.

I won’t get into the informative stuff yet; I don’t have it in me to take pictures of things, upload them, and describe the process. At the moment, I am currently self-reflecting.

It is really amazing how many things there are to do here. You might not find out all of the things you want to do yet; it’s very hard to get that right the first couple of weeks. However, facebook and general googling is very helpful for finding things. What I mean is, when you’ve tried what you can and you are looking for more, try googling and then using facebook to check out the events.
I say this because I have gone to a number of events, I have joined some societies, but I just feel like there’s something lacking. It’s still something I have to figure out.

Ah, be prepare for the loneliness and the empty feeling that you get when your close friends and family, people who you do things with, are not here to enjoy the moment with you. Edinburgh is such a beautiful, beautiful city–I’ve experienced it both in the day and at night and it is just gorgeous. But I don’t feel the heart-pounding excitement and breath-taking feeling that I normally get from looking at scenic views. I’ve finally realized it’s because I’m not with the right company to fully enjoy it. Don’t get me wrong; I have met some amazing people here, but I don’t feel close enough to them to be able to share these moments that you can only share when you’re connected.

Sorry, I ramble because I can’t explain myself very well. It’s hard, I think, when you don’t understand it yourself. I don’t feel homesick and I didn’t get any culture shock either; I had also “seen” a bit of the city through GoogleMaps. So I feel pretty prepared to be here. What I’m not prepared for are the days that hit me really hard where I’m staying up tossing and turning and hoping that I would be able to connect to someone on a deeper level. I think it’s because I don’t care much for surface-level friends. I don’t want several friends that I only know a bit about; I would like a few or even just one that I know really well. Do you understand what I mean? Unfortunately, it’s sorta hard to find the right mood to tell people, “I want to know more about you. Let’s spend a few hours over coffee/tea/whatever and get to know each other.” Also, without sounding anything but romantically interested.

On the bright side, because I actually have made good memories here already, most people here are friendly and like your first year of college, very eager to make friends. I’ve gotten along with my flatmates (although it took a couple of weeks) and we have had two movie nights and plans to explore more of Scotland. I have made a good friend that I’ve taken walks and talked about more philosophical things with. I’ve also became friends with some people in my classes.

And I can go on and on about what I’ve done and how I’ve tried to not spend all of my time in my room. But it also bugs me a bit that I feel pressured to not be in my room, to go out and do something as much as I can. But why? I know I only have a semester here. Do I really want to rush through things and pretend I can ignore my studies and travel and explore like a madwoman because I only have a couple of months here?

I’ve decided not to think like that. Because I can always come back, I don’t want to feel as though my time is limited so I have to do everything I can. Instead, I want to soak up the moments, even if there aren’t a lot of moments. I’d rather experience more of a few things than a bit of everything; the latter I can do later in life.

I’m just rambling now. But I think this post is a good example of how one might think abroad. You just have so many mixed feelings, and you get to know yourself better when you decide what you really want.